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A safe and happy man


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This song is written and performed by a comedian friend of mine, Don Smith. It was the opening song to a play I wrote about suburban paranoia in Australia.
When I mentioned this fantastic web site he was more than happy for me to put it on.
Just so that no one thinks I'm trying to get scores for some one else's work I'm the one doing the yeehaarrs and snoring in the background so if you could keep comments to these aspects of the song only, I'd feel much better.

In all seriousness, I think it's a great song.
What do you think?

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Got a dog
Got me fence
Got a garage for me car
Got some floodlights on the porch
That turn on when people pass
But there's nothing I like better than
Sitting by me phone
So I can tell insurance salesmen
To shove it up their arse.

Got shutters on me windows
And shutters on me shed
With the prssing of a button
They go right down to the floor
But I dread it when the storms come
Rolling by in winter
'cause when the power's gone
I can't get out me bloody door.

And I'd like to say I'm happy
That I'm safe and having fun
But I know I'd feel much better
If I had a fucking gun.

Got a cellar in me house
That's full of beer and whiskey
So I can sleep soundly in me bed
Got a doctor who'll give me
Any pill I want
Because I think that he's to scared
To see what's in me head.

I've got meself a camera
That's hidden out the front
So I can take phots of me street
I'm the head of the local branch
Of Neighboorhood Watch
And if I had me way we'd all be wearing big white sheets.


Got meself a stereo with quadraphonic speakers
Got meself a TV with cable on it too
Each night I watch the news on seven, nine and ten
I'm a true blue Aussie man with a balanced point of view.

Got meself a flag on a flagpole out the front
And I hoist it down to half mast once a year (Anzac Day)
But I recently decided to give me flag a clean
And I noticed in the corner it said
'Made in bloody Korea'.


I'd like to say I'm happy and I'm safe and having fun
But I know I'd feel much better
If I could curl up
With me Mum.

Fucking do gooders.
Song Stats
Hits: 3322
Comments: 4
Fans: 2
Plays: 235
Downloads: 209
Votes: 4
Uploaded: Jun 09, 2005 - 09:42:32 AM
Last Updated: Jun 09, 2005 - 08:20:53 AM Last Played: Apr 29, 2019 - 12:07:50 AM
Song License
Creative Commons License:

Creative Commons

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Peter Greenstone said 5150 days ago (June 9th, 2005)
Friggin' hilarious
Oh, this is great! Brilliant lyrics and a great performance!
Really well done. Had me cracking up. I have to download
Check out my latest song called Iridium Flare (2013 Re-Release)
rovert10 said 5149 days ago (June 10th, 2005)
Bonza Mate
Great to hear some classic Aussie folk here. Blood hilarious.
Love it cobber!
Check out my latest song called Gears
country john said 5149 days ago (June 11th, 2005)
safe as phuck !
brilliant ! . .

i loves it !

you got a fan here !

nice one
Check out my latest song called atom bomb
Shire Knights said 4241 days ago (December 6th, 2007)
Another great one
Downloading this one too. Hillarious. Nice story telling song like a Pougues song
Check out my latest song called Never Look back
Artist Info
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Name: matt
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I do a number of things in the "arts" and this is really just a hobby. It's my dark little secret. I really enjoy writing songs. I'm not the greatest singer but hell, I LIKE IT. Hope you like some of my songs. If i was to recommend any it woul... [see more]

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