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Mechanical Schoolmarm


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Description
Just a sillly little fun thing I did the other day. I don't really think it's worth working on anymore, though I know it could be made better. Portions of it just make me giggle, so I thought I'd share it with my pals here.
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Lyrics
Mechanical schoolmarm
on a desk, clicking wildly.
Little, tiny factoids
spew over her screen:
the specific gravity is a ratio comparing
the weight of a substance
to the weight of...
(fill in the blank)
water.

Who needs five senses,
when a machine can tell you,
what color blue is
or how it smells at the zoo?
How much of what you know
is what you really know
and how much of what you know
is what you've been told?

Giant wooden knowledge box
up there on the stage,
it's strictly experimental,
but please get inside.

Before you close the door, though,
we need you to sign this waiver,
oh don't worry about the fine-print,
it's boilerplate, nothing to worry about.

Why are you reading it?

Time is money.

Direct your eyes to the ceiling
so you can study what people are feeling.
That man in the photo,
with his mouth corners down,
is very...
(fill in the blank)
SAD! That's right, you're getting it.

(Which is a good thing, too, because I have a cattle prod and you signed the waiver)

Who needs five senses,
when a machine can tell you,
what color blue is
or how it smells at the zoo?
How much of what you know
is what you really know
and how much of what you know
is what you've been told?

Fill in the blank.
Fill in the blank.
Fill in the blank.


Song Stats
Hits: 5747
Comments: 42
Fans: 17
Plays: 454
Downloads: 150
Votes: 24
Uploaded: Sep 19, 2006 - 12:13:37 PM
Last Updated: Sep 19, 2006 - 08:49:32 PM Last Played: Mar 21, 2019 - 10:36:49 AM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike

Creative Commons

Song Actions
share on facebook share on twitter download song
Hardware:
Rapidly becoming less than I need eMac. My lovely Rode Nt-1a.
Software:
GarageBand 3
Comments
futzpucker said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
No need to be serious all the darn time...
I can't wait to play this for my daughter when she gets home from school
today. She will beam with recognition, as she's had some mechanical
schoolmarms in her educational experience.

This is a fun, goofy song, and I perceive that you may be a fun, goofy
human being. For this you have my great admiration.
Check out my latest song called Just As It Is
ledebutant said 4624 days ago (September 20th, 2006)
Mr. Pucker
Ooh! Patrick, you said darn...do you kiss your mother with that mouth? ;-)

Thanks for saying you enjoyed this and for sharing it with your daughter.
Schoolmarm is just a grade-A goofy word, isn't it?
perceptualvortex said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
Whirly
It's a robot waltz. Haha, great lyrics Lisa... always read the fine print!! Excellent (fill in the blank) and writing. Sorry this is basically boilerplate comment, but you know how much I like your voice and sense of humor, and excellent creativity.
Check out my latest song called Mercury (RPM 6)
ledebutant said 4624 days ago (September 20th, 2006)
I Quite Like the Whirly
Way to appropriate the song lyrics into your comment, PV. You'll be receiving
extra credit on your next assignment as well as a box of mechanical pencils.
moorlandt said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
funtastic
Yeah, such a silly little fun thing. But sooo enjoyable it is. Your best one for sure, Lisa! Naaaah, just kidding, but definitely your funniest one, you silly little fun thing :-)

Walter
Check out my latest song called Free (remix)
ledebutant said 4624 days ago (September 20th, 2006)
*checks size of bottom*
Hmm, funny maybe... little, not so much... ;-)

I'm always glad to know you've listened and enjoyed, Walter. Thank you.
Macaudion said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
LOL.. Witty and way clever - You have too much time on yer hands
But apparently I do to... - It made me smile - You sound just like one
of my professors and "HE" knew how to draw everything out almost to
a standstill. And he also could eradicate any tendencies toward a sense
of excitement - Made ya constantly look for a clock other than the one
that you had immediate access to because you knew that it ticked in a
backwards direction

You're silly Homey! And I knew that you might be, but this confirms it.

Question: Is this the tune that you put together on that infamous day
that you were having a poopey day...

I liked all of the little touches w/ FX - Nice little some'em some'em to
lighten my heart -

Thank you - Babycakes
Check out my latest song called Picture country living
ledebutant said 4624 days ago (September 20th, 2006)
Kindergarten Pass
You know, maybe I do have too much time on my hands these days, my
daugher just started kindergarten and I get a couple of hours every day to do
music. It's what made me bother to develop this, the sudden realization that
not everything I did had to be serious, because I have more time that I'm used
to, suddenly. So watch this space for wacky sillypants behavior, especially
since I know YOU like it, now. (well, I totally knew you were silly, before)

Yes, this is the infamous poopy day song and I love to give you a little
some'em some'em. Anytime, babycakes.

thoddi said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
Amusing
Great fun Lisa:)

This was just perfect to find and listen to after a loooong day at work.

Thanks!


Check out my latest song called The King has left
ledebutant said 4624 days ago (September 20th, 2006)
Happy
I'm so glad I helped you detox from work and that the comedy wasn't lost in
translation. ;-)
Ed Hannifin said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
When people get out of the way...
...of their own genius... then anything they do is perfect...

Perfect self-expression, perfect art, perfect...silliness?

Ho, ho.

My son and I are home sick together today...he's in the other room
reading, are you ready for this, "The Edge Chronicles", and I expect you
will soon hear from him about this... He will be disappointed not to be
able to vote on it...as someone else in the household was/is...

Ed
Check out my latest song called Chime (Alone) (Inspired by Particle Dots)
ledebutant said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
OKAY!
Just for my little friend, thepeep, I'll enable voting. ;-) I'm sorry you guys are
sick.
Ed Hannifin said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
Thank you...
...he'll be thrilled... he's off to bed already...

But he'll vote.... Gotta warn you...he's not in the 'influenced by Dad' category
these days... his votes were some of my lowest on my last posted song... Darn
kid actually sits and thinks about what the categories mean...

Course this means that I can vote, too...

Convalescently yourn,

Ed
Check out my latest song called Chime (Alone) (Inspired by Particle Dots)
jiguma said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
Fill in the blank!
Lovely, funny, clever - nicely done Lisa! Your voice sounds so much
like Liz Phair here - not something I've really noticed that much before.
Please write your own review here: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . It will be corrected later.
Neil : )

Check out my latest song called Metro Gnome (Beep Beep)
datafunk said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
weeds
very cool song. this actually reminds me of the main title track from tv show 'weeds' sung by Melvina Reynolds ('little box'). its nice to have a little fun thing sometimes, our ears are very thankful. cheers.
Check out my latest song called DFF#03
Jim Bouchard said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
hehehe
Yeah! I just wish you'd put up the lyrics! It's so hilarious and true!
Wonderful! Exclamation Point!
Check out my latest song called Big Yawn (Apogee One mic demo)
ledebutant said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
Lyrics
Thanks, Jim. Everyone loves a good exclamation point. Your point about the
lyrics is a good one. I chose not to post them because I thought that some of
things were only funny if they were a surprise, but maybe I should just post
the lyrics and leave out a few.
Jim Bouchard said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
Yeah! that makes sense!
Why not just post different lyrics to throw everyone off?!?!?!?!! hehehe!

---
Check out <a href="http://www.macjams.com/artist/The+Fritters">The Fritters</a>, Kelli King and Jim Bouchard collaborations
Check out my latest song called Big Yawn (Apogee One mic demo)
jgurner said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
:)
This really made my day, Lisa. Thanks for making me laugh.
Check out my latest song called Almost Cut My Hair (CSN Cover)
illuminati said 4625 days ago (September 19th, 2006)
Ok, so how do I get the schoolmarm to
fill in for me when I'm out sick? So how do I know what I know is what I
know and not what I've been told? Is this some sort of allegory? So many
questions the mechanical schoolmarm brings to light. This is fun and odd
and way out there. This has a bit of the sensibility of that Peter Gabriel/
Laurie Anderson song off So.
Tadashi Togawa said 4625 days ago (September 20th, 2006)
Nostalgic teacher.
Because I am Japanese, it is not good at English.
Your poetry was translated.

Female teacher of machine.
In that case, it was also in my junior high school.
She had taught since Edo period.

Very excellent teacher.
However,
The screw of the spring cut, and it did not move sometimes.
We rolled Toride of her back.
And, she began to teach to us again.

Nostalgic teacher.
Check out my latest song called Mexican taste
FEEL said 4624 days ago (September 20th, 2006)
Maa--aa--aa--knee
I'm at work right now and I sure could use one of those so I can go on home. Why didn't I think of that. I enjoyed this... you should do more.

John
Check out my latest song called A Second Life with Scott Carmicheal
Stun Nutz said 4624 days ago (September 20th, 2006)
one two three, one two three
curious words... stepping to a charmingly odd tune... head tilted
and a smile
Check out my latest song called stagnation
alley-oop said 4624 days ago (September 21st, 2006)
exceptionally zany%u2122
To be placed in this category (exceptionally zany%u2122) a song must meet
this criteria:
be zany, without exception.
This song meets the criteria, so on behalf of the entire MacJams family,
a job well done.. Ms. Ledz
Check out my latest song called rain
ktb said 4623 days ago (September 21st, 2006)
everybody loves it
Within the ktb household we rarely agree in unison on the vote. yet we
all thought this was fun & whimsical to the tenth degree. Maybe its
cause schools in, but we all got a huge smile from this.

cattle prod - excellent
Check out my latest song called Blackwater (by Tokai)
drakonis said 4623 days ago (September 22nd, 2006)
dizzy funny
Thanks for pointing me over here... I really really needed something
distractingly weird and smirky-funny. The annoyingly repetitive music
became endearing by the end, and your soothing voice was perfect here.
And of course, your hidden philosophical questions (How much of what
you know...) are always provocative and up *my* alley at least. Given your
following, it isn't just me, you've struck a chord with humanity, which is a
very ____ _____!
ttfn,
Drakonis
Check out my latest song called Miwok
echoroom said 4622 days ago (September 23rd, 2006)
lovely and creepy
wow .... there i was complaining that you hadn't posted anything in
ages and now there are two new tracks. As I'm a very structured
person, i'll leave this feed back as points ...

1. You're voice has never sounded better - really lovely, and lots of
space for it to sing in. The whole track sounds great - the production
is clean and clear.
2. Nice instrumentation, but i really love the robo-voice that pops in
now and again - really works in the context of the song.
3. The lyric/ song subject reminds me of laurie Anderson meets the
Stepford Wives - really original.
4. I looove this track 'cause it's sung really sweetly. but there's
something really creepy about the whole thing, yet it's funny at the
same time, which gives it a feeling of being a little .... off. Very difficult
to do, and you pulled it off with aplomb. Great work Lisa!

Check out my latest song called Light Sleeper
said 4621 days ago (September 23rd, 2006)
Ha!
HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa! Love it! Hilarious lyrics. Vox
endearing.


Be well!
Monkaton said 4621 days ago (September 24th, 2006)
Circus Song
How much of what you know
is what you really know
and how much of what you know
is what you've been told?

Great line. Worth the price of admission.

Song could have a carnival or circus style arrangement behind it.
Reminds me somewhat of They Might Be Giants.


Check out my latest song called Blue Tie
macgalver said 4619 days ago (September 25th, 2006)
great one
Really, really like this one. Most giggleworthy.

Your voice is so pure and naturally beautiful. At times, I think you
could just say anything and I'd listen because of the gratifying tone of
your voice. Your sense of melody is always spot on in my ear. your
fan, kelli
Check out my latest song called First Sight
macgalver said 4619 days ago (September 25th, 2006)
artwork
and the artwork rocks!
Check out my latest song called First Sight
The Infinites said 4617 days ago (September 27th, 2006)
Heh heh!!
I laughed so hard at the, "we need you to sign this waiver" line...!!

Funny and thought provoking. Ya crack'd it with this one!!

If ever a Macjammer could make it big - I bet it's you (with possibly
this one!)

Brilliant! Insant download.

Jim





Check out my latest song called Divorce
said 4607 days ago (October 7th, 2006)
fun
I followed along all the way to the end. Where can I get one of those
machines
Schello said 4597 days ago (October 18th, 2006)
,-)
Tnx for share..originale and funny!
Check out my latest song called Snozz'en (Cronik Mix)
Pie said 4568 days ago (November 15th, 2006)
Fucking genius!
'nuff said

;-)




Check out my latest song called Coalesce (Instrumental)
ledebutant said 4568 days ago (November 15th, 2006)
Bad
You used some naughty language. The schoolmarm's going to have to discipline you!
Pie said 4567 days ago (November 16th, 2006)
mmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Check out my latest song called Coalesce (Instrumental)
I. Spike said 4504 days ago (January 18th, 2007)
"I lauged, I cried..."
Willie Wonka meets Wilma the Schoolmarm. Funny and scary at the same time... But isn't comedy just a reflection of pain seen in a blah, blah, blah... Right? Right!? Right!!? Listen, I'll turn this car around and get the cattle prod... Don't test me.... I like mutliple choice, not this fill in the blank business.... (...sigh...)
Great track.
"I lauged, I cried, it was better than Cats."

Check out my latest song called Aqua Velveeta
guitapick said 4455 days ago (March 8th, 2007)
I'm a schoolteacher, you know...
...and I've got to say that I really regret...uh, I mean: reSENT this.
;-)
Great tune. Perfect lyrics.
With all the emphasis on numbers/testing/standardization in the educational system, these days, I do everything I can to be something other than a mindless automaton in the front of the room. And to try to get my kids outside, into the world...outside of and away from the box.
Check out my latest song called 'Cuz I Can
omnibus11 said 4187 days ago (December 1st, 2007)
yeah
once again you prove that you may very well be the best female vocalist here at macjams....even with this tune that you consider to be a goof you still give a very compelling and moving performance.....something about your voice that seems to be able to creep under my skin and to the back of my brain.....a very fun listen....

peace.....

p.s. boy do I have to catch up on your tunes
Check out my latest song called Silver Light
DJ Squirrel said 4128 days ago (January 29th, 2008)
*winds up*
I wonder if she taught the Dresden Dolls' Coin-Operated Boy? They seem to compliment each other very well.
Check out my latest song called Lose Your Headbone by Midnight
Lennon714 said 3995 days ago (June 10th, 2008)
I forgot
that I loved this song and never came back to favorite it. Good times. I particularly enjoy the lines, "How much of what you know is what you really know and how much of what you know is what you've been told?"

Clever indeed.
Check out my latest song called Just a Little More Time
Artist Info
artist photo
Name: Lisa
Location: Under the Airplanes WA
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I've been writing songs since 2005, which I tried initially because GarageBand made it possible for me to play with music for the first time since college, and I found very quickly that I really loved songwriting and in my time here at Macjams, I've ... [see more]

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