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I Smoke a Pipe


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Description
Mark Twain, Chet Atkins, Dan Aykroyd, Johann S. Bach, Alexander Graham Bell, Gen. Douglas MacArthur, Ronald Reagan, and Rober Young (he knows best) and of course Gandolf are just a sampling of a unique, distiguished group of individuals known as pipe smokers. This song celebrates the pipe and is dedicated to my Uncle John who was a pipe smoker. I always enjoyed the aroma of pipe smoke wafting through the air at Uncle Johnny's when I was a kid. I just wish my wife shared the same affection toward pipe smoke. Plus, if the smartest man that ever lived smoked a pipe, it can't be all that bad, right?
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Lyrics
I SMOKE A PIPE | ©2004 Ray Kainz



I smoke a pipe

I smoke a pipe

Despite all the negative hype

I smoke a pipe



Just like detective Sherlock Holmes

I smoke a pipe when I'm on the roam

It makes me feel like I'm right at home

until my girl starts to bitch and moan

so I'll just have to smoke and toke all alone

I think I'll even take the hook off the phone


Ashtray and matches at my side

with my pipe I will Abide

sitting on my derriere blowing smoke into the air

I hold the pipe right in my hand

It makes me feel like a new man

Let's smoke a pipe and get intellectual

oral fixatious

psuedo, psycho, sexual



I smoke a pipe

I smoke a pipe

Despite all the negative hype

I smoke a pipe



Whether it's morning, noon or night

To smoke is just to feel all right

That's why I like....to smoke a pipe



With a book or with a friend

the pipe's all right to append

to your mouth to take a puff

soon you'll see this is good stuff

With Salinger, Vonnegut, or Poe

I like to smoke my pipe real slow

Their creative words start to fill my brain

While my Sasieni 4-dot, it'll keep me sane

With a light aromatic or dark cavendish

I will pack a bowl and I will have my wish

I like my pipe with a cup of joe

Just like a fish loves his H2O



I love my pipe



Wether I'm jogging or ridding my bike

to smoke is just to feel all right

that's why I like to smoke my pipe



Some guys like football and such

But I prefer the sweet tasting touch

Of my pipe licking my lip

While I puff and feel real hip

Cuz pipes are cool don't you see

Whatever your color race or creed

Native Americans they all had it right

They hunted with bows and arrows

and they all seemed to smoke a pipe



I smoke a pipe

I smoke a pipe

Despite all the negative hype

I smoke a pipe

Song Stats
Hits: 16028
Comments: 35
Fans: 12
Plays: 4217
Downloads: 547
Votes: 47
Uploaded: Dec 05, 2004 - 04:16:56 AM
Last Updated: Dec 07, 2004 - 07:54:50 AM Last Played: Jul 11, 2019 - 10:28:37 PM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

Song Actions
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Hardware:
Dirty guitars: '84 Strat w/texas special pick-ups

Clean guitars: Reverend Rocco

Guitar Amp: Tone King, Comet 40

Bass: Washburn XB-500 thru Bass POD

Guitar mic: Sure SM57

VOX mic: Sure SM58

Mackie 24x8 mixer, Alesis compresor.

Power Mac G4 Dual 1.42 GHz
Software:
GarageBand! Sound Studio.
Comments
country john said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
brilliant riff . . .
reminds me of something . . .
don't know what . . .

anyway i liked it . . .
nice sounds and words !

safe
Check out my latest song called atom bomb
said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
I Like It
I don't even smoke a pipe!
said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
Smokin'!
This song is pure fun. Expertly crafted with crystal clear production quality. Creative and tight. Great presentation with artwork, lyrics, etc. Well done Ray.
JimmyMac said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
Great Lyrics
Also, loved the guitars. Production is top-notch. Where
do you come up with these ideas for songs?

JG
Check out my latest song called Take Me There
eleveneyes said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
Great Lyrics
the inspiration for this piece came to me while smoking my pipe.
go figure.
Check out my latest song called You And Me
Sil-VER said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
9-8-9-9
I like it!!!
Silverr

Check out my latest song called The Art of Death /feat Ronnielong
hacked_to_pieces said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
Man
this tune just kicks butt great production, singing ,
playing and arranging.
9-9-9-10
Check out my latest song called blues shuffle
Mr. EI Oval said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
Awesome Groove!
You forgot Gandolf. Shame on you!

Does the Queen ever puff on a pipe?
Check out my latest song called Dance under the Clocktower
eleveneyes said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
Awesome Groove!
I'm so sorry Mr. El Oval. I did edit the description to include our friend
Gandolf.


regarding the Queen -

from the first verse:

It makes me feel like I'm right at home

until my girl starts to b!tch and moan



from AlwaysAway:

So the Queen always rains on his parade

....especially my pipe smoking parade!
Check out my latest song called You And Me
Cameron said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
story in song
Looking in my crystal ball....I'm thinking that you like to
smoke a.....PIPE. Just call me psychic!

These excellent lyrics tell quite a detailed story. I like this
kind of depth in a song.

Great vocals and guitars, simple chord progression in the
style of "The Troggs".

The chorus was very imaginative and offered a good
harmonic contrast to the verses.

Well done! And I don't even smoke.

Check out my latest song called Trio for Horn, Violin & Piano
said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
Reminds me a little of...
some Bare Naked Ladies songs, which is (in my book) a
big compliment. You bring a lot to your songs and in this
one the vocal and musical style changes of pace are just
done so well. Very enjoyable listen.

Jack
said 5341 days ago (December 5th, 2004)
Smokin' lyrics and music
Yeah, me too. I love pipe smell but have never taken up smoking in any form because my wife would never approve.

What a tight tune. Blew me away.

Volume level dropped too low with "Whether it's morning, noon or night.To smoke is just to feel all right". That's about all I can nitpick.

This is very professional sounding. Crisp enunciation and clever rhymes make the song -- helping to fortify the assertion that pipe smoking has an air of intellectualism and elitism about it.
ChrisSly said 5340 days ago (December 6th, 2004)
remindes me of my dad
Well, pipe smoking does anyway. Fun, funny, weird tune,
and extremely well produced. Zappa would be proud. Did
he smoke a pipe?
Check out my latest song called La Valse Final Waltz
eleveneyes said 5340 days ago (December 6th, 2004)
remindes me of my dad
If Zappa is proud that's all I need. I know he smoked cigarettes. for some
reason i have an image of Frank in my mind with a pipe. Don't know if I
actually saw a photo of him or that I'm just thinking that Zappa would look
good with a pipe.
Check out my latest song called You And Me
Peter Greenstone said 5339 days ago (December 7th, 2004)
remindes me of my dad
Zappa came to mind for me, too, when I heard this great song. It's funny,
original, and it rocks.
Check out my latest song called Iridium Flare (2013 Re-Release)
ProjectW said 5340 days ago (December 6th, 2004)
Nice Groove
Loved the solid guitar work and vocals!!! Song structure is also excellent!
Check out my latest song called Bustin' Outta Barcelona
Epileptic Gibbon said 5339 days ago (December 7th, 2004)
Fantastic!
Kinda makes me think of Zappa meets Primus and
the Presidents of the United States of America.
Excellent song with wonderful lyrics and good
production. I've given it good ratings (can't believe
the people who gave it bad marks but then each to
his own, I guess), downloaded it, and added it to my
favourites, so pretty much the full monty! Rock on,
eleveneyes!
Check out my latest song called Fiddler Off the Roof w/Komrade K & Caroline
Ringo said 5339 days ago (December 7th, 2004)
Sounds like the Offspring on Acid
Only they can't play or sing this well. I'd use a condenser
for the vox as well to get that real close up Zappa type
feel but the SM57 cooks on the git. But that's just
subjective cr*p.

Sorted, Sound, Sweet and SOLID.

Masterful...
Check out my latest song called Real Slow
eleveneyes said 5339 days ago (December 7th, 2004)
Sounds like the Offspring on Acid
I prefer using condensers for vox too. I was useing the AKG solidtube
exclusively for vox for a long time but I was demoing some stuff a while back,
using the SM58 to lay down some scratch trax and I fell in love with just
holding the mic, dancing around with it, it just frees me up a bit. Since then,
I've been trading a little sonic perfection for a better feel on the vocal
delivery. If I were a better singer the condenser would be in order for sure.
Despite the fact that i have to apply quite a bit of EQ to the vox while
tracking, for now this seems to work ok for me.

Thanks for listening and for the comments!
Check out my latest song called You And Me
said 5339 days ago (December 7th, 2004)
Hilarious
Yes, I hear all the influences already mentioned. They
Might Be Giants and Mike Keneally too.

But mainly Zappa. Lots of FZ in the vocal cadence. This is
good.

One of the most FUN songs on this site. I can hear your
JOY in the music. The sense of play is infectious.

Keep 'em coming, 11.
daphna said 5339 days ago (December 7th, 2004)
yeah!
Thank you eleveneyes - we need more SONGS on this site,
and your songs are great in every way. THANKS!
Check out my latest song called It's Christmas Time
webbwork said 5339 days ago (December 7th, 2004)
More Fun Songs
It's nice to hear well-constructed songs with a sense of
humor. I hope it's a trend. As someone else said "Zappa
would be proud". Great Job!
Check out my latest song called Hangin' With MoneyMark
HGB said 5339 days ago (December 7th, 2004)
Good
I'm not a huge fan of the silly songs but your production value is excellent.
Check out my latest song called Tobbaco Road(Updated Live Version)
eleveneyes said 5339 days ago (December 7th, 2004)
Good
Thanks for your time and thoughts.

I also have some less silly to stone cold serious songs I'd love to get your
feedback regarding prodution quality and whatnot.


SPEED pretty serious and heavy

Don't tell
the Queen
serious with a no worries feel good wrapping.


Thanks again.
Check out my latest song called You And Me
eleveneyes said 5336 days ago (December 10th, 2004)
NEW Good
Another serious number: Really Out Of Touch With A Touch Of Reality
- brand new!
Check out my latest song called You And Me
Rebsie said 5338 days ago (December 8th, 2004)
Highly addictive
A fantastic song brilliantly performed. Once I'd
played it a couple of times I couldn't get it out of my
head ... definitely one for the iPod. Thank you for
sharing your entertaining music.
Check out my latest song called Amongst The Colours (w/ Luna Trick)
Rebsie said 5337 days ago (December 9th, 2004)
Highly addictive
Hurrah! The voting system is back online. Straight nines for this one, I
think.
Check out my latest song called Amongst The Colours (w/ Luna Trick)
TobinMueller said 5338 days ago (December 8th, 2004)
Running rings around
What a top notch funny clever song! You were killing me
throughout, it grew on me like happy cancer. Love the
changes on volume and density, the variations, all slaves
to lyrics and content in all the right ways. Excellent. You
run rings around us!
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
TobinMueller said 5337 days ago (December 9th, 2004)
Running rings around
...more than just smoke rings...
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
said 5338 days ago (December 8th, 2004)
If it weren't for...
...Troy pointing you out to me... I may have never listened
to your songs. I shy away from the "alternative" genre for
fear of not being qualified to comment on it. But your syle
transcends that genre.

You have a quality that is very difficult to describe. I hear
King Crimson, BeBop DeLuxe, Frank Zappa and other
avant garde musicians that I listen to (with a certain frame
of mind, of course). My hat is off to you.

I'll be back to vote 9s and 8s and maybe a 10!

I've run out of words.
fosod said 5337 days ago (December 9th, 2004)
Zazzle
With a chunka nazzle, man. Rills. You know what I mean. I
mean, you know. This is dude to the sweetness.

Oh. One crissyizms, though.

Turn up the GATE just a teensy weensy on the vocals so I
don't hear the saliva on the top of your tongue
occassional. Or don't. Whatever. Great song either way.
Check out my latest song called Totally Hoany
alanfraser said 5335 days ago (December 11th, 2004)
8-9-8-8
Expertly-crafted. Exciting. Funny. Very nicely done.
Check out my latest song called Too Much or Not Enough - Live at 20th Century
Pie said 5323 days ago (December 23rd, 2004)
like it
if i were being a really nit-picky I'd say it should be 30 seconds to 45 seconds shorter and have less repetition in the arrangement - a middle 8 maybe?. But otherwise - GREAT!
Check out my latest song called Coalesce (Instrumental)
TennesseeVic said 5304 days ago (January 11th, 2005)
Funny and well executed
Great vocals and guitars.

Only minus: song's a bit too long. You have a limited
amount of melodic material here, so the number of
repetitions is getting a bit much. Maybe cut a verse, or
replace with a guitar solo or such?

But on the whole this is very good.
Check out my latest song called Allegro from flute sonata 1 in C
Scott Carmichael said 4616 days ago (November 30th, 2006)
creative
Ray again I am knocked out... you are so musical and creative... an original... although Frank Zapa would be proud... your productions are just stellar
Check out my latest song called He Has Passed this Way
Artist Info
artist photo
Name: Ray Kainz
Location: Austin TX USA
send a note
Hey, I'm Ray, I play guitar and a few other things. I love writing and recording. I really enjoy discovering some great music here on MacJams. Many of the songs here are experiments or penultimate versions. It's great to get feedback before makin... [see more]

Check out some of my other songs:

Genre Info
The terms alternative rock and alternative music[1] were coined in the early 1980s to describe punk rock-inspired music genres which didn't fit into the mainstream genres of the time. At times it was used as catch-all phrase for rock music from under

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