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 Genre: Acoustic Rock

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On my flight home from a family reunion I scratched out some lyrics. The idea of the lyrics were to get across My frustration with making plans and everything going wrong and then when you just go with the flow sometimes everything just works out.

Once again i am putting this on here as a work in progress and always encourage the usage of headphones.... its very pitchy .... dont want to break glass
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So here is what i originally came up with only parts of this made it into the song... and some of the lyrics got changed slightly in the song:

Sleeps a luxury that i cant ignore
Midnight snack only feeds the pain
Halfway dreaming i cant remember reality
Keeping cool is hard at this ungodly hour
Throw me a life raft and pull me in
The waves of emotion are pulling me down
The darkest abyss and no lights gettin in
The sinking no breathing is too quiet now
My thoughts become clear with the calm
but my feelings are a static screen
Giving in would be so easy
Letting go and in to the flow
The current could take me somewhere
But is that where i wanna go?
Do i always want to captain my own fate?
Or let random waters take control and steer
the drift may take me to an uncharted island
a paradise to my soul that id never know
Planning has never been in me
Rigid and flexible cant coexist
So who wins? Who takes control?
Seems like my plans always go up in flames
So why try when i only get burned
that fire cant always be contained
Even Extinguished is whats left recognizable?
Let the current carry you through
Winding and rough is the ride
Peril still finds you this way
At least its not what i planned
And im not burning myself at the stake
Shooting yourself in the foots not easy
When you dont hold a gun
But keep it in a holster
That storys likely to get spun
Song Stats
Hits: 2834
Comments: 16
Fans: 9
Plays: 209
Downloads: 75
Votes: 1
Uploaded: Aug 04, 2009 - 01:21:09 PM
Last Updated: Aug 04, 2009 - 01:21:09 PM Last Played: Jun 30, 2019 - 05:55:54 PM
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Feter said 3637 days ago (August 4th, 2009)
Cool job here ...loved the acoustic with the bass
a solid and tight playing ..great feelings
deliver here ...top notch ...thnx alot for sharin !!!!
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drakonis said 3637 days ago (August 4th, 2009)
WIP it good...
This is a cool work-in-progress (WIP)... great guitar playing and song/rhythm/progression ideas. You have a really nice singing voice, and it wasn't any pitch-problems I had with this, but what I would like to hear is a better sung melody-line through the song... what you chose to sing was the same set of notes over and over, some of which didn't seem to match up well with what the guitar was doing underneath, at least to my ears. Other sung parts fit really well, so you've got a great gem here, just need to tweak the melody here and there. Also, possibly a break from the stream-of-consciousness lyrics partway through, maybe repeat or harmonize on the line "..up in flames?" or something? I would bring the guitar and bass up a little, and possibly spread them out L/R a little to separate them from the voice.

Hope these are helpful thoughts.

Just ideas
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bevdogg said 3637 days ago (August 4th, 2009)
This is great feed back!!!
I love to hear ideas like this. I think you hit several very good points and i will work on them
Check out my latest song called A Picture Of You
abfkingsport said 3637 days ago (August 4th, 2009)
Love the clean rhythm on the guitar. Very cool lyrics as well.DL'ed
The King
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lavalamp said 3636 days ago (August 5th, 2009)
Great vox
You've got a really good voice brother. I mean there may be something off with the instrumentation, but I can't put my finger on it. The drums could be improved with some more fills and cymbals? Maybe an electric guitar too. It could, or should, be a bigger song to match your big voice.

Like this a bunch

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bevdogg said 3636 days ago (August 5th, 2009)
ya the drums are GB loops and i still need to work that out... the bass line is prob what throws you off... im just using the low e on my guitar.... and i need to get myself an electric.... i only have an acoustic
Check out my latest song called A Picture Of You
WharmtonRise said 3636 days ago (August 5th, 2009)
What the scaly one said.

I love the lyric and your guitar playing and the strong voice.
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dantimmermans said 3636 days ago (August 6th, 2009)
great voice
love your voice man, just right for acoustic rock.
the basslines cool and, for me, playing it on the acoustic is just fine.
I've gotta agree with Drakonis though, the melody could use some variation and your phrasing is a little jarring at times (starting lines with the last word of the last line, for example)
big voice and a good voice. would love to hear this with the energy that would come from live drums.
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Calchas said 3635 days ago (August 6th, 2009)
Where the hell have I been?
Wow. Great tuneage. But it's your vox that really shines here.

Kudos man!

Be well!
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bevdogg said 3635 days ago (August 6th, 2009)
thanks... i really appreciate the time you took to listen and comment

im a self taught rhythmless guitar player who likes to write songs


thanks again

Check out my latest song called A Picture Of You
ste said 3635 days ago (August 7th, 2009)
great vox, i agree that maybe some break from the singing would shape the song a little more. but very nice work
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tmcfate said 3631 days ago (August 10th, 2009)
sounds like you were not sleeping well on your trip. also like your stream of conscience thoughhts. great demo take
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PockBluesman said 3631 days ago (August 10th, 2009)
Great potential
Love the playing and the voice especially for this kind of acoustic rock. As for the lyrics chuck a handful of commas and the odd fullstop in mate. I ran outa breath half way down buddy
Check out my latest song called 20 Year Blues
crissew said 3628 days ago (August 13th, 2009)
A lot of potential
I think the sense of the vocals getting "lost" is mainly due to the chords played on guitar dont match up quite right with the vox. I like the "creed" style vocal sound you have going. I would tweak this a bit and you may have something special. Nice work so far.
Check out my latest song called Runnin' On Empty
richardhowardjones said 3620 days ago (August 21st, 2009)
I like your voice
You've nailed this. Pretty hard to do, considering the lyrics, great phrasing. Sweet guitar sound, too. Thanks for sharing.
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blindsidedpoets said 3593 days ago (September 17th, 2009)
Great guitar progression, and cool lyrics! Very nicely done!
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