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Passenger


by

jesushairdo

 Genre: Ballad

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Description
I wrote this song for a local DTM magazine's contest. Any advice to improve it would be welcome!

Life is like a train ride. I feel like I am the only one who is riding in the same car and everybody else got off to change trains. But I am believing I am on the right train.
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Lyrics
Passenger

Gentle jolts seemed to have
invited me into a snooze
I woke up and looked the window
to see the strange town passing

I got my ticket in my pocket
But it didn't have a destination
I put melodies to the memories
I made with my travel companions
and I sang

Yesterday's town was far behind now
and I would not go back again
Because I know you would be standing
in the tomorrow's platform

I woke up to see I was the only one
still in the same train
But I know everyone is heading for
different station

I got my ticket in my pocket
But it didn't have a destination
When an anxiety seized me
I would sing the memories
I made with my travel companions

I still missed my friends I used to travel with
wondered where they had gone
But I know you would be waiting
in the tomorrow's platform

I woke up to see I was the only one
still in the same train
But I know you would be standing
in the tomorrow's platform
I know I would meet
someone holding the same ticket
Song Stats
Hits: 3022
Comments: 10
Fans: 5
Plays: 95
Downloads: 98
Votes: 1
Uploaded: Jan 16, 2010 - 06:08:24 PM
Last Updated: Jan 16, 2010 - 08:59:59 PM Last Played: Jul 27, 2019 - 10:11:24 AM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

Song Actions
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Hardware:
MacBook Pro, Epiophone semi acoustic, YAMAHA acoustic, KORG M1
Software:
Garageband, Guitar Rig 2
Comments
Relic67 said 3531 days ago (January 17th, 2010)
sounds good
sounds pretty fully realized to me, I have no suggestions but I enjoyed it!
the part with the guitar solo and background voices was really cool. good bass during that part too. pretty epic sounding.
good luck on that contest!
Check out my latest song called Dead Archive
jesushairdo said 3530 days ago (January 17th, 2010)
thanks
hi Relic67. thank you very much for taking time to comment!
Check out my latest song called Dawning
jiguma said 3530 days ago (January 17th, 2010)
Lovely production!
A much more anthemic sounding song than usual JH, and I have to say that I prefer your more upbeat songs. BUT this is very good and I'm guessing that you've designed it for a specific style in line with the competition.
The only comment I'd make is that the falsetto sections seem to disappear a little in the mix compared to your regular voice sections. MAybe a slight dB boost for those falsetto bits.
Love the instrumental section!!
I wish you luck in the contest!
Neil
Check out my latest song called Closing Down
jesushairdo said 3529 days ago (January 19th, 2010)
Hi Neil
thank you very much for your comments! always very helpful!
yes, this is a little different from my usual pop/rock songs.
just wanted to sound bigger and epic and different from other
contestants songs. lol
Check out my latest song called Dawning
TheReverendAG said 3530 days ago (January 17th, 2010)
haha
At first I thought you had a speech impediment; then I realized it was in Japanese.

Also, where all the instruments kick in at the end is epic. I really don't have any advice, sorry.

Well maybe I do. The fade out seems to leave the song unresolved. I don't know.
Check out my latest song called Bad Funk Hombre
jesushairdo said 3529 days ago (January 19th, 2010)
TheReverendAG
hi there. thank you very much for listening to my song!
my english is so bad that i cant sing in english. lol
the last fade-out bit was kinda intentional as i wanted to
make contest judges want to listen more.
but maybe it wasnt such a good idea....
thank you very much for your comment!
Check out my latest song called Dawning
Hickling_Stan said 3526 days ago (January 22nd, 2010)
Hi YH
A real quality production that as always with your songs kept me listening to the end. If I had any suggestion at all it might be with the song structure. It was nearly 3 minutes into the song before it really took off. Both the loud and quite parts are really engaging but I think I'd have bought the loud bit in a little earlier to ensure hooking people in. Just a thought. All the best. Mark
Check out my latest song called Just Look Up
jesushairdo said 3525 days ago (January 22nd, 2010)
great advice
hi Hickling_Stan,
thank you very much for your comment. this is exactly the kind of advice i was looking forward to from fellow macjammers! yes, i thought about the structure of the song and it might be a little too late until the drums kick in. but i couldn't come up with the drum patterns that would fit in the 2nd verse. so i left it as it was.
if i could come up with better idea, i might change the arrangement before submitting this song to the contest (due is the end of this month).
thank you again!
Check out my latest song called Dawning
TobinMueller said 3491 days ago (February 25th, 2010)
Nearly perfect
Sorry I didn't see this post until today. I hope my comments can still help.

First, my impressions are mostly positive. Superb vocals, arranging, expressiveness, balanced writing, marvelous chordal progression, a sense of distance and nostalgic hope. And the word "canado" or whatever still haunts me, it is sung so preciously; all of your ending words, actually. Such a good.

The lead guitar entrance at 2:40 could be slightly louder. The ah chorus could have more l-r separation, to sound even larger (double record the part and hard pan l-r).

I love this track. You are a pop genius.
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
Einarus said 3301 days ago (September 3rd, 2010)
Oh, man
How I missed this for so long I have no idea.
But better late than never, right?

I have said it before and I'll say it again.
You're without any doubt one of my all-time favorite MJers.
Your stuff is so consistently great and I have enjoyed every single upload of yours. I truly hope the right people realize your talent and give you all the opportunities you deserve. (If they haven't already...)

I know this may sound like I'm just pumping sunshine in order to be nice. But believe me - it isn't.

Love it.

-Einar S.
Check out my latest song called "I Hate Goodbyes"
Artist Info
artist photo
Name: Yusuke Horiuchi
Location: Tokyo Tokyo Japan
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hello! beside playing music, im into snowboarding, bodyboarding, weight-lifting and volleyball. but most of the time, im a lowly office clerk....... [see more]

Check out some of my other songs:

Genre Info
A ballad is a story in a song, usually a narrative song or poem. It is a rhythmic saga of a past affair, which may be heroic, romantic or satirical, political (affected by the previous three types mentioned, refers to either glorifying the exploits o

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