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Strum of Grief (revised version)


by

Rayelise

 Genre: Acoustic

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Description
This song has been revised and I am posting it for feedback. I do welcome constructive criticism if you have any!

me- guitar1, voice, lyrics
Todd Shelar- guitar2
Ralph Lillie- recording
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Lyrics
Something happened on the day it rained
It's like I woke up in the most unusual way
and an ocean came up through my face
while my head fell down truth's steep staircase
what a day.

I realized something on the day it rained
but it hurts too bad for me to outright say
but I told the wind with a silent glance
and it knocked the trees right out of their trance
a strange display.

chorus:
rain my life out of my heart.....
if it rains enough this life i think i'll start.

I called my friends on the day it rained
but I ended up staying home alone to pray.
For the first in my life i'm free;
i can love someone who just couldn't love me
and it's okay.

chorus
Song Stats
Hits: 2591
Comments: 35
Fans: 14
Plays: 128
Downloads: 78
Votes: 1
Uploaded: Oct 11, 2010 - 08:49:25 PM
Last Updated: Oct 11, 2010 - 08:49:25 PM Last Played: Jan 24, 2018 - 02:49:19 PM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

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Comments
edpdx said 2809 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
Grief!
I find this to be very raw and sincere! Here is something that is not hear on the radio.

Bravo!
edpdx
Check out my latest song called Tiny Dreams
Rayelise said 2809 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
thanks edpdx
Thanks for listening & for the kind words. Yeah you probably wouldn't hear most of music on the radio :)
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
RAVENS said 2809 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
Very Pretty
There is almost a sadness to your voice, which makes it appealing. I think adding some harmony to the chorus would be nice, but I do like the simplicity and rawness of it as well.

RAVEN ;-)
Check out my latest song called Tattooed Scars (w/ Sigmund, Scofugate, Rok41)
Rayelise said 2809 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
thanks ravens
Thanks for hearing that in my voice, & for the feedback. I like keeping things simple but I'm also interested in experimentation, so it's a great suggestion.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
drakonis said 2809 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
Very pretty
A soft ballad. Nice singing and guitar work, and I like the song. On the chorus, I almost wanted to hear the second voice to be harmonized instead of in unison (that is, sung up a third in pitch) to add interest.

Sounded nice to me.
ttfn,
Drakonis
Check out my latest song called Miwok
Rayelise said 2809 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
thanks drakonis
Thanks for that feedback- I appreciate it. I may play around with harmonies to see how it sounds.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
jdholliday said 2808 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
you're getting
better and better! very thoughtful lyrics, your voice is sounding much better too, really nice! Cool second vocal also!
Check out my latest song called Please Help, Pride of NYC needs tracks!
Rayelise said 2808 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
thanks jdholliday
Thank you- that's very encouraging!
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
Carrie71 said 2808 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
vocals
are very nice, i agree with the sadness in them, pulls you in. love the guitars this is actually my favorite type of music...a nice voice and a instrument w/o all the production and chaos. well done.
Rayelise said 2807 days ago (October 13th, 2010)
thanks Carrie71
Thank you! I'm glad the vocals can pull you in. Yeah I like the simpler stuff better myself.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
Sigmund said 2808 days ago (October 12th, 2010)
Strum of Grief
I really like this song - reminds me a bit of Natalie Merchant. The lyrics are interesting and I think your meaning must be very deep - beyond my comprehension to be honest. I listened to this several times, enjoying each time more than the last. You did a nice job with this - thanks for sharing with us -
Sig
Check out my latest song called Running with the Wind by Peter B, feat rok41
Rayelise said 2807 days ago (October 13th, 2010)
thanks Sigmund
Thank you, I love Natalie Merchant. I listened to her in 10000 maniacs as one of the very bands I was really into as a kid. I think it's not a problem if you don't comprehend the lyrics, so long as it means something to you, or the meaning's feeling gets conveyed in the music. Thanks for appreciating them.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
lavalamp said 2808 days ago (October 13th, 2010)
Sounds
Sounds like something from the Juno soundtrack. Innocent and sincere. Loved it. Like this acoustic version. Well done as is.

LL
Check out my latest song called The Shallow People
Rayelise said 2807 days ago (October 13th, 2010)
thanks lavalamp
Thank you- I liked that soundtrack from what I remember. Yeah for the innocence of it. Thanks for the listen!
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
falcef said 2808 days ago (October 13th, 2010)
Strum of Grief

Hello congratulations on your songs, knows how to choose. Sounds good fit lines of good melodies and the choice of sounds. Mixage voice from hello 'from Italy falcef
Check out my latest song called My Egon
Rayelise said 2807 days ago (October 13th, 2010)
thanks falcef
Falcef, thanks for listening. I'm glad you liked it.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
dave_b said 2807 days ago (October 13th, 2010)
Strum of Grief
The imagery nicely reflects underlying emotions. Stripped down arrangement and understated vocal suits the mood of the piece.
Check out my latest song called Llarions Blues
Rayelise said 2802 days ago (October 19th, 2010)
thanks dave_b
Thank you for those comments... glad you stopped by to listen.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
Roxylee said 2807 days ago (October 13th, 2010)
Clarity in the rain
I love the lines: For the first in my life i'm free; i can love someone who just couldn't love me and it's okay. That can be sad, but very liberating. I'm glad you stopped by my page because I didn't know about you. So much music... so little time. I like the simplicity in the music that lets the lyrics stand out.
Check out my latest song called Emma, by davisamerica
Rayelise said 2802 days ago (October 19th, 2010)
thanks roxylee
Yes it can be liberating, and really life-opening. Yes I know there is so much great music on here to hear! I'm really impressed by all I've heard.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
jibes said 2804 days ago (October 17th, 2010)
Rayelise
I really like your song and your song styling. As for advice I would like to hear your vocal in the center rather than off center. I know the answering part is on the other side and maybe that's why you did it that way. As far as the other part though it may have been better to sing it twice and split those parts right and left with a little (slightly different) reverb on each.
Guitar work is very nice.
Check out my latest song called JESSICA
Rayelise said 2802 days ago (October 19th, 2010)
thanks jibes
Interesting advice on the vocals. Yeah the answering part is on the other side, but I see your point about splitting those parts right and left w/ different reverb on each. Thanks for your suggestions.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
scofugate said 2804 days ago (October 17th, 2010)
I love the sad feel here!
This is great and sincere stuff. What do you think about a bit of hand drum percussion in the verses?. I think this sounds great as is. I feel like I am in a studio and you are setting on a stool playing and singing to the crowd.
KUDOS!!!
Check out my latest song called DreamKiller
Rayelise said 2802 days ago (October 19th, 2010)
thanks scofugate
I think well of a bit of hand drum percussion in the verses. Actually once I listened to this recording a few times I felt a percussion layer is wanted. Thanks for validating that suspicion.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
paddler said 2801 days ago (October 20th, 2010)
Good Grief
poignant lyrics - loving someone who doesn't love you in return can be a tragic experience,in my experience.I'd go with jibes on the panning of the vocals - you sound quite shy in the singing which isn't a bad thing - helps to identify the emotions.But yeah bringing the vocals more to the middle would make them stand above the music a little more.Not essential though - the beatles got away with it.Thank you - Rich
Check out my latest song called Wild Volcano
paddler said 2801 days ago (October 20th, 2010)
.
is that a painting of kermit?
Check out my latest song called Wild Volcano
Rayelise said 2800 days ago (October 20th, 2010)
thanks paddler
why yes it is a painting of kermit :)

Thanks for the vocals advice- it makes good sense.

Yeah it can be a tragic experience, but also pretty liberating to finally admit it and accept it. In that way the song is kind of a song of relief as well as sadness.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
egobandit said 2801 days ago (October 20th, 2010)
Strum
straight forward, emotional in its delivery sounds like your singing grows more confident towards the end, was this recorded in one take? The sound and quality is good the guitar parts really stand out.
Check out my latest song called Unending
Rayelise said 2800 days ago (October 20th, 2010)
thanks egobandit
Yeah it was recorded in one take- two mics- one for each of us and mine picked up both my guitar and the vocals. The second layer of vocals was recorded after though o/c, if that counts. thanks for listening!
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
867-5309 said 2796 days ago (October 25th, 2010)
satisfied
a contented feeling one walks away feeling following . . .
vocal tone color and delivery technique is cool & pleasant . . . leaving a good aftertaste . . .
creative picturesque lyrical flow . . .
authentic . . .
if it depression . . . may it quickly fade and rise up to a long-lived plateau of happiness . . .
Check out my latest song called Taking Care Of Business
Rayelise said 2795 days ago (October 26th, 2010)
thanks 867-5309
Wow, what a lovely descriptive comment, thank you for your deep listen.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
Symphony101 said 2795 days ago (October 26th, 2010)
Beautiful song
I have always found recording and singing acoustic quite a tough task. You did this so nicely. I like your vocals a lot on this and the composition is very cool.

Great job !
Check out my latest song called Standing On The Brink (w/ Mosaica)
Rayelise said 2761 days ago (November 29th, 2010)
thanks symphony10
Thanks so much for listening & the kind words.
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
Estella said 2784 days ago (November 6th, 2010)
This is lovely
I'm so glad to hear you! The guitar sounds artful and quiet, and I'm impressed by the playing! Some beautiful lines in the poetry.

Check out my latest song called Insomnia
Rayelise said 2761 days ago (November 29th, 2010)
thanks Estella
Thank u about the poetry. The guitar part you're probably referring to isn't me- I'm just playing rhythm guitar. Todd's part is playing the more complicated parts. I'm collaborating these days. :)
Check out my latest song called Angel of Montgomery
Artist Info
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Name: Rachel Elise
Location: Baltimore MD United States
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